This weekend a very good friend, came up to visit. We have been friends since college, and lived together our junior year. Our friendship became even deeper after college, as we unfortunately have the common bond of baby loss. She lost her baby from miscarriage about a year before we lost Luca, and I am forever grateful for her support during that time. I am sad that losing our babies is what brought us closer, but I am so grateful she is in our lives.
She was also a wonderful support throughout my pregnancy with Elisa. When I called to tell her Elisa no longer had a heartbeat, we cried on the phone together, and she told me she would be praying for us. She checked in on me while at the hospital and the days following Elisa's birth. A few days after we got home from the hospital I got a call from her that she wanted to come visit and take care of Mr V and I, only if we wanted her to though.
I usually don't ask for help, but I knew not only would it be nice to have her here to help with some things around the house, but it would also be good to spend some time with another women who could relate. Although she hasn't experienced stillbirth and multiple losses, and I hope she and really anyone else NEVER has to experience this, but she has lost a baby, she is Catholic, and just a very compassionate caring person. I knew she would get it and I could just be myself 100%
So this weekend she drove to see us (I guess I also owe a thank you to her wonderful husband for watching their two kids while she came here too :) ). It was wonderful in many ways. We chatted and reminisced about college, which allowed me to distract myself a bit. But we also talked about Elisa, Luca, and her baby a lot. I could be open with her, and talk about my girls as much as I wanted without feeling like I was being a downer, like I do with other people. We looked at pictures, I talked about how much I loved holding Elisa, and how much I hated having to give her back. We talked about my fear during her pregnancy, and we talked about the delivery and how it went wrong, and how I was, and still am, so scared about what happened.
We also met up one night with one of our other roommates from college. It was so wonderful being out together all three of us. And good for me to get out and about. Saturday was wonderful girls night with wine, sushi, and of course dessert.
The best part about it was that it was going out and returning to the outside world, in a total safe environment. Mr V and I have gone out since Elisa has died, and of course I felt safe with him, but this was really my first time being out and about without him. With these women I was able to be social, but in a safe environment, where I knew if I was going to cry, or just felt like I needed to go home I could. But because it was such a wonderful time, and I was with people who really "got it" I didn't need to go home, I didn't feel sad (well as sad as I thought I might). I feel so lucky to have women in my life who "get it". Even our other roommate who we met with, she hasn't ever experienced baby loss, but she is just one of those rare people who "get it" anyway and is an amazing support.
I know my life will never be normal again, just like it wasn't after we lost Luca, but I am so grateful for the people that love and support the new me and want to hold my hand and hold me up as I slowly put the pieces of my heart back together.
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