Follow Up Apointment

Today we had our postpartum 4 week check up at the high risk office.  We met with a nurse practitioner and when I scheduled the appointment, to be honest I was a little mad they had us scheduled with a nurse practitioner. Nothing against nurse practitioners, but it felt a bit like once again the high risk office was pushing me aside because I didn't have a living baby to worry about. But when we met her, I was so glad we were having the appointment with her.  She was so kind, and so knowledgeable.

First, she started off, with telling us how very sorry she was, and I could tell she meant it.  I am so grateful for the compassionate people in the world.  She ran us through all of our results, the blood work, the placental analysis and autopsy.  And the results all came back that it was a placental/implantation problem, and that the likelihood of recurrence is very very low.

We are so relieved that this isn't a genetic issue, or something that might have a higher chance of recurrence, but it is also hard to take in that it was a fluke.  The nurse practitioner even said it,"It was  just really really shitty luck".  (she apologized for swearing, but I was glad she said it, cause if she hadn't I would have :) )

It is just hard to hear that our little Elisa was perfect, and the stupid d*** placenta kept her from growing.

We are so happy to know that we hopefully have a chance of having a successful pregnancy in the future, but that doesn't change the fact that we want her, we miss her.  Another baby will not replace her and another baby won't fix our hurt.   But through all of our hurt  we are grateful that we hopefully can at least give her a little brother or sister some day.

They recommended waiting to try for another 3 cycles, but 6 months to be safe.  We will most likely wait at least 6 months, just to know we are physically ready, and to make sure we are emotionally ready. Who knows if we will even be ready at 6 months. I know we have a long road of grief ahead of us and I can't even begin to think about the emotional strain of trying to conceive with our record of infertility.  So for now I will work to make myself healthy, in mind and body, and when the time comes we will pray that we will be blessed with another child.