Will it?

It will happen...

Your time will come...

These are all things people say to me when they hear about our losses.  I know each person says it because they mean well.  They want to hope we will get our baby, we hope so too.  Maybe they don't know what else to say, and figure by saying that, they are avoiding saying something else completely wrong...which yes I appreciate that, because there are some bad things that have been said.

But every time I hear that, there is a little voice in my head that wants to say back "you don't know that" or "what if it doesn't?" and every day that voice seems to be getting louder

Because the reality of the situation is we don't know if "it will happen" or if "our time will come"

It took us 6 months to get pregnant with Luca, a year if you count the months we were "passively trying" And then we lost her

It took us nearly another year of actively trying to get pregnant with Elisa.  And then we lost her too.

I am batting 0 for 2 and each chance at the plate took me almost a year to get there.

The truth of the matter is my babies die, and it scares me.  It is the most anguish I have ever felt. I didn't know this much sadness could fill one heart.

To add to it we have no explanation as to why either of our losses happened, or why it took us so long to get pregnant.

The polyps seem to be the likely culprit for our infertility, but we won't know until we start trying again, and polyps can come back.  As for our losses, we never had any testing done on Luca, and with Elisa everything came back normal

So both losses are a fluke, a statistic.

Yes, we are grateful that we don't have a diagnosis that prevents us from having children for certain, but we also don't have any reason why it happened.  Nothing to work to fix, nothing to prevent it from happening again.

So we are left with the same odds as before.

Which for us is 0 for 2

So I am left asking, Will our time come? Will it happen?