Thursday, April 2, 2015

Thoughtless Comments

This is going to be a little bit of a rant post, because I am really upset, but I need to get it out.

Today I ran into a girl at work who had her healthy living baby girl a few weeks before Elisa was stillborn.  I ran in to her as I was walking to another meeting and figured I should do the "appropriate thing" and say "welcome back" I couldn't get myself to say congratulations, but I at least got out a "welcome back! how are you?".  Her answer to how are you was "oh not great, wishing I wasn't back at work"

In My head "Oh yeah poor you, being back at work after giving birth to a LIVING baby, my baby didn't live, and now I have to go back to work and pretend everything is ok when it is not"

I of course didn't say that, but just said, "I'm sorry". I am sure it must be hard to leave her baby at home, I wouldn't want to either, but I just wish she would remember who she was talking to....

She then said very quickly, while diverting her eyes said "I'm sorry to hear what happened" and then in the same breath looked me in the eye and said "but you really need to eat more, your too skinny, you need a healthier body"

Geee thanks for pretty much just flat out saying that you think the loss was my fault.

I wanted more than anything to just say that this is how my body is, I am lucky to have a good metabolism. I might be a little more skinny than usual right now but if so that is only because I am engulfed by grief because my baby died.  I wanted to tell her how healthy I am, How much I ate and followed the pregnancy recommendations to a T when I was pregnant with Elisa, how much weight I gained with Elisa, and how my doctors have confirmed none of it was my fault"

But instead I just nodded and walked away. No use having an outburst in the middle of the office

I am just so sick and tired of people's first assumptions being that I somehow did something to cause this. I didn't I did everything right, everything by the book. All the doctors said we did everything right. But my baby still died.  The last thing I need is someone trying to make themselves feel better, and assure themselves it wouldn't happen to them, by trying to reason that I did this, that it was all my fault.

I did everything right and my baby still died.  Don't you dare try to blame me.  I lost everything when I lost her.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry, that people don't use the filter on their mouth. My thought about reply to her might be: so when did you become a doctor to dish out medical advice...

    Praying for you this Good Friday.

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  2. Thank you, I like your thoughts on a reply :) Praying for you this Good Friday as well

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