Our Daughters

Today one of the baby loss groups I follow posted this article "What I Wish More People Understood About Losing a Child" 

I connected with so much of what the writer said.  How there are so many misconceptions with childless. For instance, it assumed since you you eventually go back to work, and "normal life" that you are fine, but really a piece of you is always missing your child.  People are worried about bringing the child up in conversation, afraid to remind us or make us sad, when in reality we are ALWAYS thinking about our child. We don't just forget and then when you mention him or her we say "aw crap, why did you have to go and do that, I had forgotten" as if it is like when someone sings the song you just got out of your head..., the reality of it is you aren't reminding us, we didn't and we won't ever forget. Saying their name and talking about them is so uplifting to us, even if sometimes we might cry when you do.  The writer said it perfectly, "We would rather lose it because you spoke his/her name and remembered our child, than try and shield ourselves from the pain.... Grief is the pendulum swing of love."

When I read the article I really wanted to post it on facebook, just to get more awareness of what it is really like being in this club of child loss we have unwillingly joined.

But as I was about to submit "share", I got an overwhelming feeling like I was unworthy, like I didn't have the right to be sad about losing Elisa and Luca, because it didn't compare to the author's loss, who lost her son when he was a child, not in pregnancy like Elisa and Luca. 

It reminded me again of how isolating pregnancy loss can be.  In the eyes of so many a baby isn't considered a person when they are in utero, they are merely a fetus.

But Mr V and I fully whole heatedly believe and see both Luca and Elisa as people, our daughters. They each had a soul, a body and they lived.  They brought so much joy and love to us in the little time we had with them and they are our family.

So I posted the article anyway.  Because one small way to change people's perception is for us to be strong in our belief that our daughters are just that, our daughters.