Follow Up Number Two

On Friday we had our follow up appointment with our regular OB, Dr. K. The appointment two weeks ago was with the high risk office, because they had to "clear me from delivery" before I could go see my regular OB. I was so happy to finally be able to see Dr K again.  She is so sweet, and really knows our whole story, infertility, losing Luca and just how much Mr V and I want a family (a large family, God willing)

 I went alone because Mr V had to work, but it was also kind of nice because I felt like I could get some 1:1 time with Dr. K.  I wanted to tell her everything that happened during delivery, without her feeling like Mr V and I were "ganging up" on her or anything.  We knew for sure none of it was her fault, because it was with the high risk office, but I wanted her to know what happened, and how I was still feeling really scared and vulnerable and like I was abandoned by the medical system.  I told her about the delivery, about my engorgmnent pain, and how the MFM office kept telling me I was over reascting, until they finally saw me, and realized I was way too engorged.  And I told her about how I tired to call the office multiple times without getting resonses.

She was so very sorry for everything that happened.  I know it was not in her control because it wasn't her office, but I just needed her to know, so she could know why I was feeling so scared.  And hopefully she can pass on my feelings to her counterparts in the MFM office.

She said likely next time I would have to go see the MFM specialists for at least the first half of the pregnancy, basically until things went downhill with Elisa (~19 weeks), but that I would see her at least every two weeks, and them only as consulting, every month or so.  Then if the next pregnancy checks out ok up to 20 weeks, I would most likely not have to go back to the MFM after.  She also said she would be o anything in her power to make sure she is the one delivering our baby next time.

It felt so good to hear her reassuring words, and that she cares enough and knows how much it would mean to us if she delivered our next baby.  I feel safe with her, which is what I need right now, since I have lost so much confidence in the medical system cares.

One thing that was a bit difficult about this meeting though, was our discussion on how long to wait to try again.  After checking me out, she said we could try after only two cycles.  Because Elisa was so small, and I am physically healing very well, she said we could start sooner than later.  The high risk specialists said 3 months....and when I said I heard 6 months, they said I might want to wait that long to feel safe, but they did this without checking my physically, and after Dr K's exam she didn't see any reason physically for us to wait that long.

I know I am not in a place to think about trying again now, but hearing from Dr K that physically we only needed to wait 2 cycles, was a bit of a mental game changer for me.  I was thinking we would have to wait 6 months, no questions, but now that the option for starting earlier has come up, I am not sure what to do with it.  After all with our infertility record, we could start trying in 2 and still not be pregnant for a whole year or longer.  So I don't necessarily want to wait too long to try, but I also don't want to try too soon.

I know for sure this is not something I have to decide today, or anytime soon.  I know I don't want to start trying until after Elisa's due date (in April) and wouldn't want a baby born on or before her birthday. So I know I don't need to think about this now, but just leave it on the back burner to mill over