Hummingbirds

I have always had a special place in my heart for hummingbirds.  Both my grandparents (on my mom's side) loved them.  They filled their garden with flowers that attracted hummingbirds, and always made sure their humming bird feeder was full. I was very close to my grandparents.  We lived within walking distance of their house and so I would visit them every day.  My grandma passed way nearly 17 years ago.  It was shortly after her passing that my mom was on a walk and a hummingbird flew up to her face, stopped, hovered for a bit and then flew away.

Shortly after my grandpa's passing, which was a little over 5 years later, my mom and I were out together, and this time two humming birds together, flew around us.  I always get the feeling that those two times were signs my grandparents sent us, that everything would be OK.

A little over 2 years ago Mr V and I had an amazing opportunity, when we were house hunting, my grandparents house went up for sale.  We discussed it a lot, because I didn't want him to feel weird living in my grandparent's house, but we decided to buy it!  Now the garden is nowhere near the amazing shape it was in when my grandparents lived there, after all it had years and years of overgrowth, but fixing it up is one of my missions... that I will get to, eventually....  :). Although the garden needs help we have made sure to always keep the hummingbird feeder full and it always makes me smile when I see one come up to the feeder, hover for a bit, and then zoom off on it's way.

So why talk about hummingbirds today?  If you read my last post, you could see I have had a lot of anxiety lately about baby girl and her prognosis.  I have been trying to keep hope, but keep getting bogged down in the negative potential.  Well just two nights ago I had a dream about hummingbirds. In the dream, a hummingbird flew up to our bedroom window, stopped and looked at me straight on and stayed for a while and I felt like I was being told "Everything is going to be OK".  Right after this I woke up (lovely 2am bathroom trip now that I am 23 weeks) and when I woke up, I felt as if all of my anxiety and sadness was lifted off me.  In that moment I knew I wasn't being promised that baby girl would make it, but I felt at peace.  I felt that I knew God would be with me through it all, even if that meant the heartbreaking outcome that baby girl doesn't make it.

After getting up to use the bathroom, I was able to fall back asleep, and rest more than I had in weeks, and for the first time in a while, in the morning had a little more hope in my heart.